My Punching Bag

Phobia

2011-08-28T19:39:00.003+08:00

When you have phobia, you will be prejudice towards the things you're phobia with. I'm having it now and I just stepped into the hole that i'm trying to avoid. Happiness doesn't last isn't it? One moment you think that the situation will be better but when you're awake, that's when reality hits you. I don't know how long i can fight this phobia. I'm trying but in my heart, I'm having this prejudice. I wonder how am I gonna feel better. The feeling is getting worse and i feel stupid for crying. Someone please save me from this hole.

FUCK

2011-07-17T20:17:00.000+08:00

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

.........

2011-07-12T00:35:00.000+08:00

In the end who can really help me? Nobody.

Just a thought

2011-06-22T00:26:00.002+08:00

When i tell people how much i treasure a friendship or relationship or how i'm expecting them to treat me...i always get the same respond. "Why are you guys so together or bound with each other? Can't u guys just do your own stuff and go on with your own live?" To me, that's all I have. I need them to keep me strong and makes me feel like I belong here. This is who I am. If I think you're a nice person, i'll be nice to you and keep you close. I trusted you but how much can you actually trust someone? My sis always tell me how naive I am and I think i'm not. That's what I think but i slowly began to learn the dirty side of reality. It hurts to know this. Should I be precautions when i talk to my friends? Should i not show who i am or my weak side to them? This can be really uncomfortable to me. I can't pretend to be fine and put on a mask just to have friends around me. Maybe i'm just another hypocrite who is scared to be alone. To be someone who people don't even care about. I hate it when they tell me people do change. I know. But i just hate it. Why can;t they be the same? Why can;t we be how we used to be? The lost of innocence is the new identity to everyone. I just need this innocence from a sincere person. I need this to tell me things will be really fine when it;s not. At least it will be convincing to me rather than hearing it from the pretender. When i'm tired of pretending, i'll be so mean. SOmetimes i hate myself for being this way. I'm such a jealousy person who thinks too much and always revenge when i have the chance. Why am i so ugly? It makes me sick. I'm sick.

Uncertainty

2011-04-11T23:37:00.002+08:00

I was so sure of my choice even though people been telling me to wait but now they seems to be right about this. This thought suddenly hit me. Or maybe i've been living in denial but I can't lie anymore. The problem does exist and I'm trying not to bring it up but this ended with me crying to myself. How long can i withstand this? I hope it's not because of me being uncertain.

Here I Am...Again

2011-04-02T01:47:00.003+08:00

I guess this is my habit when i'm really sad and i got no one to talk to....or should i say..i can't talk to them anymore...right now i feel really sucky and it's been so long since i have this emotional time.. i want things like how it used to be...i don;t like changes...i don;t like something that i can;t have or something that keep popping in my head but it's not there for me to hold it....the thought of it makes me feel lonely and insecure...i remember the last time i had some difficult issue with my mom..that was my saddest and hardest moment in my life...i've never cried that much in my life...and i'm feeling the same thing now...call me emo queen ;)

Total Stranger

2010-12-17T19:33:00.002+08:00

It hurts when someone close to you have been a stranger to you as well.
Hot and cold that's what you are to me.
You make me feel like a puppet.
When you're happy, you would pull some string
and when you're not, you'll just leave me hanging there.
I just hate you mom.

It Started

2010-10-31T15:31:00.000+08:00

I'm in a roller coaster ride again and yes...my habit is back babeh!!

Lose You

2010-10-24T18:06:00.001+08:00

I’m taking a ride off to one side

It is a personal thing.

Where?

When I can’t stand

Up in this cage I’m not regretting.

I don’t need a better thing,

I’d settle for less,

It’s another thing for me,

I just have to wander through this world

Alone.

Stop before you fall

Into the hole that I have dug here,

Rest even as you

Are starting to feel the way I used to,

I don’t need a better thing

(Just to sound confused)

Don’t talk about everyone,

I am not amused by you.

I’m gonna lose you,

Yeah I’m gonna lose you

If I’m gonna lose you,

I’m gonna lose you,

Yeah I’m gonna lose you

If I’m gonna lose you

I’ll lose you now for good

I'm feeling empty and lost. What am i gonna do?

Heartbeat

2010-10-09T22:50:00.002+08:00

[He]
I saw you talking on the phone,
And know that you were not alone.
But you stealing my heart away,
Yeah you're stealing my heart away.

[She]
You're acting like you're on your own,
But I saw you standing with the girl
Stop trynna steal my heart away

[He]
I don't know where we going?
I don't know who we are?
I can feel your heartbeat

[He]
Maybe it's too way you move,
You got me dreaming like a fool.
There I can steal your part away,
I can steal your part away.

[She]
No matter what it is your think
I'm not a kind of girl to playing,
And give my heartaway
Stop trying to steal my heart away

[He & She]
Stop stealing my heartaway
You're stealing my heartaway

[He & She]
I don't know where we're going
I don't know who we are
The feels like we were flowing
High above the stars

[He & She]

I can feel your heartbeat.

Dear Stalker

2010-10-05T22:36:00.002+08:00

If you have any comments about my life, please come and talk to me and STOP sending emails to my friends. You are invading not only my life but my close one's life too. I hope you can understand english pretty well and just stop whatever you're doing. It's annoying and not civilized at all. If there's anything you want to know about me, just ask me. Stop bothering my friends. Thank you.

You could be happy

2010-10-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

*you could be happy and you know that..i just hope you won't be suffering there alone coz you're not alone.*

My New Sunny

2010-09-19T00:53:00.001+08:00

Thx for the awesome present...i love it =)

Street Lights

2010-09-19T00:50:00.002+08:00

It looks pretty when you're down. It somehow makes me feel better...just like the star...

Inception

2010-09-14T00:31:00.001+08:00

Today's Mood

2010-09-14T00:26:00.000+08:00

I feel sucky. Stay away from me.

True Friends

2010-09-06T01:41:00.004+08:00

Friend gives you smile
But true friend gives you happiness

Friend will lie about you
But true friend won’t tell your weakness

Friend knives your back
But true friend will slog your face

Thousands friends come when you’re happy
But only one true friend comes when you cry

Friend comes when he needs you
But true friend comes when you need him

Friend leaves when everybody does
But true friend comes when everybody leaves

Friend comes and leaves
But true friend is yours forever..

Friends are everywhere but it's hard to find a true friend. Do appreciate them when you found one.

Fragile

2010-08-23T21:03:00.002+08:00

At times when it hurts so bad you cant do anything .You tell yourself no more not another time but as soon as soon as your better, you're right back at it. You ask yourself why you do this every time...You just don’t understand. People have been telling you for months that you need help. The people that know you the real you.This isn’t the real you......you know it. You can feel it. The lying. The addiction. The lack of pride you have for your body and self. It’s not you. How does it feel to be trash now that you are trash,and now you are truly trash.You are not trash this is not you. You know how this started a young women lost within her broken hearted emotions. You just know you don’t know how to stop it. You now need help....lots of help. Cause sitting here, you're itching to do it again. You don’t wanna be like this forever.

I Cry

2010-08-23T20:54:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when I'm alone

I Cry,

Cause I am on my own.

The tears I cry are bitter and warm.

They flow with life but take no form

I Cry because my heart is torn.

I find it difficult to carry on.

If I had an ear to confide in,

I would cry among my treasured friend,

but who do you know that stops that long,

to help another carry on.

The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.

Then to stop and see what makes one cry,

so painful and sad.

And sometimes...

I Cry

and no one cares about why.

Teenage Dream

2010-08-22T23:43:00.001+08:00

You think I'm pretty
Without any makeup on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the punchline wrong
I know you get me
So I let my walls come down, down

Before you met me
I was a wreck but things
Were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my Valentine, Valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance, until we die
You and I, will be young forever

[Chorus]
You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance, until we die
You and I, will be young forever

[Chorus]
You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing
In my skin tights jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

[Chorus]
Yoooouuu
You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
No

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing
In my skin tights jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
(Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight)

Drawing

2010-08-22T00:48:00.000+08:00

You drew ladybird and roses. Both look pretty ;)

This is how emo i am..

2010-08-17T23:51:00.004+08:00

emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo

emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo em o emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo EMOEMO emo emo EMO EMO emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo EMO EMO EMO EMO emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emoEMO emo emo emo emo emo emo EMOemo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo EMO emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo EMO emo emo emo emo emo emo emo e EMO emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo EMOemo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emoemo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emoemo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emoemo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo

Weak

2010-08-17T23:39:00.002+08:00

I feel so weak at this moment of my life. Things just not going right and bad news keep coming to me. Shit you ppl who makes me miserable. Right now, i just feel like living in my own world for the 2 weeks. I don't feel like texting anyone, or even going out to meet ppl. I just wanna cry out all my pain. and yes, i can be very ignorant at this point. I'm sorry if my ignorance hurt you at this moment. Just give me some time.

Comforting Sounds

2010-08-11T00:18:00.001+08:00

I don't feel alright

In spite of these comforting sounds
You make
I don't feel alright
Because you make promises
That you break
Into your house
Why don't we share our solitude?
Nothing is pure anymore but solitude
It's hard to make sense
Feels as if I'm sensing you
Through a lens
If someone else comes
I'll just sit here listening to the drums
Previously I never called it solitude
And probably you know
All the dirty shows I've put on
Blunted and exhausted like anyone
Honestly I tried to avoid it
Honestly
Back when we were kids
We would always know when to stop
And now all the good kids are
Messing up
Nobody has gained or
Accomplished anything

I'm Sad

2010-08-10T23:53:00.002+08:00

Yes i'm sad. Too many reasons to sad. It doesn't seems like a bi-polar anymore. This has become some habit of mine. Screw it.

Secret Keeper

2010-08-10T23:48:00.001+08:00

Can you be my secret keeper? I just need someone to talk to. Someone who won't betray me like they do.

Picture of the day!

2010-08-07T22:42:00.003+08:00

I somehow love this pic..i look so cute...teehee~

and this is my new idol, MYLES KENNEDY!! HE ROCKZ!!! <3

Tired??

2010-08-01T19:03:00.002+08:00

Am i getting tired? or this is just me who can't remain at the same spot for such a long period? I've been thinking am i doing the right thing or i'm just doing it for the sake of everyone....I don't feel happy even though i have so many things around me, but still, i'm not happy with my life. I tried to tell myself that I should be happy but it will never last long. I'm afraid of dark. I never like to be alone. But the unhappiness makes me feel so comfy in my own corner and night is what i'm waiting for.

Get too caught up...

2010-07-28T22:39:00.004+08:00

I've been listening to yellow by coldplay like over and over again because it makes me feel at ease...and the song, take me away, just make me laugh about how dong dong am i to say "I'll ta pao you".. I miss this fragment of my memories... =)

If You Forget Me

2010-07-27T19:40:00.001+08:00

I think this is beautiful...

I want you to know

one thing.

You know how this is:

if I look

at the crystal moon, at the red branch

of the slow autumn at my window,

if I touch

near the fire

the impalpable ash

or the wrinkled body of the log,

everything carries me to you,

as if everything that exists,

aromas, light, metals,

were little boats

that sail

toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,

if little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly

you forget me

do not look for me,

for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,

the wind of banners

that passes through my life,

and you decide

to leave me at the shore

of the heart where I have roots,

remember

that on that day,

at that hour,

I shall lift my arms

and my roots will set off

to seek another land.

But

if each day,

each hour,

you feel that you are destined for me

with implacable sweetness,

if each day a flower

climbs up to your lips to seek me,

ah my love, ah my own,

in me all that fire is repeated,

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,

my love feeds on your love, beloved,

and as long as you live it will be in your arms

without leaving mine.

The Little Things Give You Away

2010-07-22T01:56:00.002+08:00

Water grey

Through the windows, up the stairs

Chilling rain

Like an ocean everywhere

Don't want to reach for me do you

I mean nothing to you

The little things give you away

And now there will be no mistaking

The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

And six feet under water

Hope decays

Generations disappear

Washed away

As a nation simply stares

Don't want to reach for me do you

I mean nothing to you

The little things give you away

But there will be no mistaking

The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

And six feet under water

Something that came across my mind

2010-07-22T01:47:00.006+08:00

While I was driving around, this came along and it make me smile =)

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow
I came along
I wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
and it was called yellow
So then I took my turn
oh wh at a thing to have done
and it was all yellow

your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
you know I love you so
you know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do
'cos you were all yellow
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
oh what a thing to do
and it was all yellow

and your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
for you I bleed myself dry
for you I bleed myself dry

it's true
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow
I came along
I wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
and it was called yellow
So then I took my turn
oh wh at a thing to have done
and it was all yellow

your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
you know I love you so
you know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do
'cos you were all yellow
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
oh what a thing to do
and it was all yellow

and your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
for you I bleed myself dry
for you I bleed myself dry

it's true
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do

Do you really care?

2010-07-21T01:22:00.001+08:00

Do you really care for me? You were always hot and cold..well most of the time you were cold. I can't stand this bi-polar of urs.

This is the moment i wish i'll have brain tumor and just be gone in 3 months.

Scary thoughts

2010-07-20T23:45:00.002+08:00

I can't look straight at you

I don't even dare to talk to you

because If I did, i feel foolish.

How many times I've told myself that this is over,

but still, i'm doing the same routine.

When i was surrounded with your people,
I feel so uncomfortable,

this is new to me.

When I see you, my heart ache so much,

I almost cried but I know I can't.

Well at least I know why i'm having this weird feeling...

It's simply because I know I've lost the you that i once adore...

Geography of a Women

2010-07-15T02:10:00.001+08:00

Between the ages of 15-20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20-30 a woman is like America.
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30-35, she is like India Japan.
Very hot, wise and beautiful !!!!!!!!!

Between the ages of 35-40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40-50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.

Between the ages of 50-60 she is like Russia.
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.

Between the ages of 60-70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.

After 70, they become Siberia.
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

I hate you

2010-07-14T01:14:00.002+08:00

I can't tell you what it really is, but I can tell you how i feel. Every time when we start to argue, have you ever thought why would I be this way? You never notice your meaness. You can just do it in front of everyone without caring how would I feel. I hate you for that. You always complain about me but what about you? You never really did your job well so don't expect me to be whoever you wish me to be. Well, at least i play my part. I hate you for that. I bet you didn't know you were the first one to break me down. I can climb back when i fall, but for you, i fall too deep till i can never recover from the injuries. The issue, is just too sensitive to me. I hate you for that. And recently, things have become worst. I don't wanna stay by your side. I don't want to see you. I don't want to get hurt anymore. There is no next time for you and me. You don't get another chance, because life is no nintendo game.

So Hard to Please

2010-07-12T20:20:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it's just so hard to please everyone. In my life, I've been trying to please the people i care about and it always end up hurting them instead. I'm getting tired of this. I always get caught in between, and not knowing what to do, i end up making a big mistakes which i regret most. From a beautiful relationship to nothing..flame to dust, lovers to friends or maybe even enemy. I wonder if this is my problem since ppl been complaining about how i take things easily and just being ungrateful. What i'm really tired of is explaining stuff that i felt i don't have to coz i tot they would understand. But i guess that way won't work out coz i keep sending the wrong msges or maybe sometimes i am speechless about what they said coz deep in my heart, i know they're right. I gotta admit I can't handle those words they utter. Words are like sharp blade to me that it's even scarier than a real blade. Real blade hurt me physically but words...it can done more harm than that. I wonder why would i get hurt from all these...maybe i just cared too much. Now everything seems to be pointless to me..those tears of mine.

Happy Birthday to My Baby

2010-07-12T03:36:00.004+08:00

12 july 1990, the day you were born. So now u're 20 *just wanna remind u of your age*, you are no longer a teens..mwahahaha!!! but the good thing about this is that you've become wiser. I hope this year birthday will be a memorable one for you because this is the first time we're celebrating it together!! Although my plans didn't work out that well, but i hope u will still love it..and your friends were really nice to help me out to surprise you =)) and there are few things i wanna tell you :

Happy Birthday Love!! Muackz! You are the only exception..i don't need a parachute when i'm with you because i know you'll catch me when I fall and baby if you strip, you can get a tips coz i like it just the way you are =p You're so high, high above me and you're so lovely. You've been a wonderful boyfriend. I just simply adore you =)

I love you and i'm glad you're mine XD

Over My Head

2010-07-09T01:37:00.000+08:00

I never knew

I never knew that everything was falling through

That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue

To turn and run when all I needed was the truth

But that's how it's got to be

It's coming down to nothing more than apathy

I'd rather run the other way than stay and see

The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Let's rearrange

I wish you were a stranger I could disengage

Just say that we agree and then never change

Soften a bit until we all just get along

But that's disregard

Find another friend and you discard

As you lose the argument in a cable car

Hanging above as the canyon comes between

And suddenly I become a part of your past

I'm becoming the part that don't last

I'm losing you and its effortless

Without a sound we lose sight of the ground

In the throw around

Never thought that you wanted to bring it down

I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

MOFO

2010-07-06T23:49:00.002+08:00

I'm doing my assignment with my on going flu and you just have to cari pasal with me. I fucking beh tahan with you. You expect me to do the things that you asked within few minutes when you don't even do the things that i wanted within few minutes...now i'm stress. Fuck! I don't wanna talk to you.

Stress

2010-06-30T23:57:00.004+08:00

Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress Stress

I.am.stress.coz.of.assignment.

I.am.stress.of.my.life.

and now my back hurts for facing my laptop too long. Baaaaa~

The 12 Types of Women

2010-06-26T18:19:00.002+08:00

So which do you prefer? =p

1. Ms. Gold-Digger
Advantages
a. You have some one to manage your money.
b. She always looks good.
c. She makes your other niggas jealous.
d. She makes you look good.
Disadvantages
a. When you get broke she'll be gone and take what you have left.
b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support.
c. Once your nigga comes up she'll be on his arm the next day.

2. Ms. Freak (secret lover)
Advantages
a. She knows all the right positions.
b. She'll try everything more than once.
c. You're never unsatisfied.
d. She'll do all the things your girl won't do.
e. She doesn't mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.
Disadvantages
a. Eventually, b/c she's a female, she'll end up catching feelings.
b. She starts to act like she's your main.
c. She mess wit ya boy and act like you in the wrong for telling that she's a freak.
d. Eventually her i can't read gets old. And you need a replacement.

3. Ms. Independent
Advantages
a. You don't have to worry about buying her anything. She got it.
b. She's intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.
c. She's great for (business) conversation.
d. She keeps it real and has goals.
e. She knows how to please a man.
Disadvantages
a. She will continuously let you know, that she can handle it on her own.
b. She will eventually say i can't read you and get a dildo.
c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.

4. Ms. Dyme
Advantages
a. She's top of the line.
b. She stays looking like a fantasy.
c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.
d. She considers herself a model.
e. Gets you on hard whenever you see her.
f. All the girls envy her, but she doesn't care.
Disadvantages
a. She's superficial. She cares only about her looks.
b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks.
c. She's probably dumb as hell and if she's not her personality is dry.
d. You have to constantly keep your game up b/c every nigga is gonna try to get her.

5. Ms. Tomboy
Advantages

a. She's cool and laid back.

b. She'll be willing to play rough with you.
c. Of course, she loves sports.
d. Her body is athletically divine.
e. She's easy to talk to and fun to be around.
f. She's a diamond in the rough.
Disadvantages
a. She'll remind you too much of your nigga.
b. She might not want to change her appearance.
c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track.

6. Ms. Ghetto
Advantages
a. She's not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.
b. She's down for you. She'll be there to bail you out of jail.
c. She's always stays fresh.
d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation.
e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.
Disadvantages
a. She doesn't know how to act in public.
b. Your mother can't stand her.
c. You get into it with her every other second.
d. She's willing to fight another girl looking at you or her PERIOD.
e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.

7. Ms. Good Girl
Advantages
a. She's always there for you.
b. She's intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.
c. Your mother loves her.
d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.
e. You are her first everything.
f. She makes you feel like a man.
Disadvantages
a. She's an A or B situation either: A. You're not gonna get any until ya'll are married or B. She said she never done it she said she never tried she's sitting there telling a mutha *bleeping* lie.

8. Ms. Main
Advantages
a. She is the one you respect.
b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.
c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.
d. You've been with her forever.
Disadvantages
a. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.
b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass.

9. Ms. Psycho
Advantages
a. She's fun and spontaneous.
b. She's down to earth.
c. She loves you unconditionally.
d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.
e. She makes you feel loved.
Disadvantages
a. Don't you break up with her. She will stalk your ass.
b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.
c. She can manipulate the hell out of you.
d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.
e. Screwing with her emotions can make your life a living hell.

10. Ms. I have a Man.
Advantages
a. She may have a man but she'll mess with you anyway.
b. She looks good.
c. You have an intense night of passion with her.
Disadvantages
a. She'll always come crying to you about the problems with her man.
b. She'll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.
c. If you piss her off she'll get her man to come beat your ass.
d. She'll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.

11. Ms. Tease
Advantages
a. She's tempting and a nice piece of eye candy.
b. She's intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.
c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you.
d. Everything she does is just so sensual.
e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it.
f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.
g. Every nigga wants her b/c she's so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first.
Disadvantages
a. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.
b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.
c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)

12. MRS. RIGHT
Advantages
a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dyme she is Beautiful and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.
b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy.
c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother�s.
d. Her personality makes her more beautiful than any model
e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.
f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%.
g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.
h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you.
i. She's always there for, no matter what your dreams are.
j. She's not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight.
k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she's your best friend.
l. You love being around her more than your boys.
m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.
n. You can have a bad argument with her and have the BEST Mind Numbing and passionate love making fest ever.
o. She's always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often take most of your i can't read. But she's also intelligent enough to leave.
p. She's nothing like any other girl you've met. She's your woman.

***Disadvantage***
a. You've probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with all the other types that you let her go.

Fuck You

2010-06-24T18:46:00.002+08:00

FUCK YOU, YOU and YOU!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this..it annoys me and i HATE IT!! GET IT? I know you'll read my blog, so here is for your stubborn brain. I told you before about what i dislike about you and you're still doing the fucking same thing. When I ask u A u gave me Z. Can't u just fucking make up ur mind and just say yes or no??? Sometimes i really have the good intention to treat you nicely but you're always torturing yourselves and being all self pity. It annoys me coz it makes me feel bad. You're not making my life any easier. Why must you think so much whenever i ask you something? Can't u just make it simpler for me and you?? This is the main reason why i can't treat you nicely..you are driving me to corner most of the times.

Fears of a Teenager Mafioso

2010-06-24T14:13:00.002+08:00

Fear of love,
Fear of pain,
Fear of the unforgiving cane,
Fear of lies,
Fear of sighs,
Fear of everything combined,
Fear is what makes me blind,
Fear is what makes me think,
and act in blind accordance,
Hindering the world around me,
Hence, My Fear of myself
Fear mocks me, watching
Fear taunts me, waiting
Fear of losing,
Fear you cannot see,
Fear dealt upon thee.
Fear of being endlessly stalked,
Fear of time,
Fear of all the crime,
Fear of the undesirable truth,
Fear for the sake of life,
Fear of the fear of fear,
We need no reason to fear,
For fear has no reason for itself.
I guess life is just like that,
To fear for no reason,
For to fear is not to reason,
But to reason is to fear.
To fear for the sake of fear,
Is fear for fear,
So let me think,
What else do I fear?

Love You, Love..

2010-06-23T23:29:00.002+08:00

Love you, love, for the love you gave
Love you, love, for the love time we had
Love you, love, for the happiness time I got
Love you, love, for your support
Love you, love, for loving me a lot
Love you, love, for giving rest in your arms
Love you, love, for your kisses and hugs
Love you, love, for getting me addicted to you as drugs.....

Happy 4 months Anniversary to you, love <3

Emotional Twins?

2010-06-21T02:32:00.000+08:00

"While happiness is the twin sibling of despair, it is despair that is the stronger of the two."

Sick and Tired

2010-06-21T02:20:00.002+08:00

The bridge is collapsing. I'm lossing my grip. I can't hold on anymore.

I'm just getting sick. I'm sick of feeling crushed. I'm sick of being depressed.

I'm sick of your biasness. Sick of holding all the feelings inside.

I'm just sick of you.

I'm sick of pretending its all perfect....tired of living a lie.

Tired of the tears i cried. Tired of being blue. I'm tired of the stupid things I do...

and one day, you're going to need me, just like I needed you.

But this time, i'm going to ditch you, just like you ditched me.

I'm so sick.

So sick of you.

Depression

2010-06-18T22:07:00.003+08:00

Depression is when you hate everyone around.

Depression is when you don't want to make a sound.

Depression is when all you want to do is cry.

Depression is when you feel like you're dying inside.

Depression is when your thoughts wonder all the time.

Depression is when you can't sleep even thought you're tired.

Depression is when you can't stop shaking outside.

Depression is when you put on a mask to hide what you feel.

Depression is when you feel weak all the time.

Depression is when you give in to everything around.

Depression is when you don't care what happen anymore.

Depression is the ultimate cost of denial, when truth is too much to handle.

Depression is just.....another day in my life.

Identity of A Person

2010-06-18T21:57:00.001+08:00

Identity of a person
Identity signifies complexity
Identity identifies with reality
Identity is the bearer of all vanity
How does a person identify with identity?

You define yourself based on what?
They say, they say
You’re kind or moral based on what?
Or
You’re a genius and shrewd based on what?
Or
You make the perfect lover, look for no other

They say, they say
You’re strong without a thought it may not last long
Or
You’ve skills since with a record you run up high bills
Or
You are shy but no one ever talks to you or says hi
Or
You never give up because right now you are on top

They say, they say
You are generous or gregarious when all you are is conscious
Or
You’re innovative yet not the originator of the idea conceived

What are the facts?
That makes your identity intact
When change on identity has the last impact?

*Found this on google. I think it's pretty interesting =) Don't you? *

Best Friend

2010-06-17T22:24:00.003+08:00

As people grow up, they'll begin to change and develop in different ways. Sometimes they'll part in a different directions but sometimes they'll remain by your side. So what do you consider as best friend?

For me, i used to have 2 "best" friends but things become ugly and now we don't even talk to each other. Because of this, i met with another 2 girls who faced almost the same situation as mine..At that moment, we understand each other pain and that has brought us closer for few years. And now, i'm confused about the term "best friend".

I can't even talk to them about my problems because I'm not sure if they will understand how I feel and sometimes, I know they have their issues too. So i took a step back and just put a smile on my face while inside of me is like a tornado going on.. You can say i'm self pity and just wanna keep everything inside of me but sometimes i wonder, do I have anyone to talk to, about my problems, will that someone accept who I am and understand me? You might say yes to all, but in reality, it doesn't go that way.

Everyone has a past and no one is exceptional. We are being a hypocrite to the world and even to ourselves. So how can we trust anyone if they're being dishonest to themselves too? Well, recently i asked my friend what she thinks about me as a friend, and i'm glad she tells me everything. That's what I need, realisation. To be honest, i feel lack of attention from my close friends. So i would do something to get their attention. Each time, things wouldn't last long so I gave up and start to think..Did i do my part as their "best" friend? Comparing to both of them, they really sacrifice a lot for each other..but what about me? Have i done anything for them? None.

I'm a spoilt brat. I'm used to people coming to me and embrace me with their loves. Therefore, i never understand the word of "sacrifice". And because of this, i've ruined everything and lost what i've gained. Here, i would like to apologize for what i've done and if i've hurt you before, I'm sorry.

I took advantages on people and trust me, i got my karma back as i'm suffering with great pain and remorse. I learned my lessons. I'm crawling back and waiting for the day where I could run with freedom. No guilt. No worries. Stop being dependent.

A Promise To Myself

2010-06-17T00:52:00.001+08:00

I need to walk out from this mess and never look back.
I fell to many times and I need to get back up.
I'm sorry if i decided to walk out from your life.

Argh...

2010-06-14T21:13:00.002+08:00

I feel really down right now. I can feel the pain in my chest. Me, it's like a song to say goodbye. FARK MY LIFE! *scream*

Stop pretending like nothing is happening.
Stop fooling urself.
Stop smoking.
Stop provoking me.

Random Sunday

2010-06-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

I love today weather..therefore, i decided to post bout today =) i went sushi king for lunch with chia and after that we head to jusco for some shopping! Thx to her, I've improved my cooking skill and now i know how to make mushroom soup!!! Huhu...i can make it anytime whenever i'm hungry...and here are few of our camwhore pics XD

Me acting cute..LOL

Feelings..

2010-06-10T20:03:00.003+08:00

Dieser schmerz wird bald aufhoren..verurtiele mich nicht wegen meiner gefuhle...The pain in my chest is haunting me again...it's getting painful to just breathe. And sometimes, I could barely breathe. Denn ich brauche zeit.

The Hardest Minute in Exam

2010-06-08T01:10:00.003+08:00

The hardest minute in exam is when the teacher say:

"Another five more minutes and I will collect the paper"

Carnival & Got Milk

2010-05-30T21:40:00.007+08:00

On friday i went to Justin's carnival which was at Bukit Jalil...it's a church event so if i'm not mistaken it should be some charity event too...so i went there to look for him and give him a lil support since he has been nice to me =))) When i reached there i saw few Harley Davidson bikes..they loook AMAZING!! You can actually try riding on it by paying RM5 and a lot of ppl were interested with the ride...they sell food, clothes and there's different type of games...it was simply FUN! I get to meet new ppl and BEAT JUSTIN in Wii game..wooohooo!!! Thx to him, i get to have a productive friday *wink*

My Purple Poodle ^^

Mr Justin =p

So on sunday, i'm working in Pavilion for Dutch Lady with a bunch of my friends and my sis..it was a good experience and the time passed kinda fast. The event it's actually about breaking the Malaysia World Record on thousand of ppl drinking milk at the same time on World Milk Day..so yeah..you can imagine how cool is that..the public were being supportive but we have few customers that were !@@$$#^. I got bombarded by few aunties who were so eager to lay their hands on the free milk...haiz...but that will not ruin my day coz I have a lot of nice customers too!! They were being nice to me and all...gahh... the best part bout this work is, i GOT $$ on the spot!! Damn syok!! But i gotta save money..tsk tsk tsk..so i promise myself not to shop for now as I have more important plan ahead of me =)))

...Certificate ...

Adore

2010-05-24T20:02:00.004+08:00

How was my day?? Let see...i got attacked by this indian guy who is known for being "weird" and "annoying"...how unlucky can I be? I gotta suffer for one and a half hour hearing him talking coz he was sitting beside me...he told me that he will get me a sari as a present?? *hello, i just met you!!* I totally freaked out by him and I know my days will be in hell in future coz I have TWO classes that's same with him!! Baa~ why do i have to bump into weird ppl? He's not the 1st case...T.T my hearts tell me he's a disaster when he sat next to me...*God, please save me!!*

Confession

2010-05-22T22:51:00.002+08:00

With all these crazy things that had been going on around me, it's hard for me to not to break down. Sometimes i think i'm insane coz i can be so bi-polar. I can smile in front of someone and cry the next moment. What is wrong with me? I don't wanna be a crying baby..but this emotion is just so hard to control and I slowly give in. I don't even know how to express my feeling out. So here I am..blogging it instead. Some said I gotta share my problems so that I won't feel bad but what do I get form sharing it? Pityness from them? That would be the last thing I need. I know i'm stubborn so i'm sorry if I pissed you off. I tend to shut myself out whenever i'm sad. I'll just lock myself in a room and cry as loud as I want. Recently i've been throwing stuff to release my pain..i know this is bad. I'm just in so much of pain. I even tried smoking. It does makes me feel better but I know this can't be a long term solution. I'm trying to overcome this wound but it's so hard to do it by myself. Even the thought of it could hurt so much....i just need to move away from this place. I'm working hard to achieve this. All I need is patience.

I guess you should know..

2010-05-21T01:05:00.001+08:00

I'm the type that forgive but hard to forget. It's in my horoscope...it's time to be rebellious.

Welcome To My Life

2010-05-19T16:57:00.002+08:00

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you.

This is where I stand.

Psychological Test

2010-05-18T21:20:00.002+08:00

Which is your favourite Teletubbie...

A. Yellow
B. Purple
C. Green
D. Red

(DECIDE BEFORE SCROLLING DOWN)

Profile for WOMEN
A. If you chose the Yellow Teletubbie.
You are bubbly and cheerful. People come to you when troubled because you always make them feel better about themselves. You are apt to clash with Red Teletubbie people!
B. If you chose the Purple Teletubbie.
You are active and erratic. You have many ideas and set high standards for yourselves and others. Stay away from Green Teletubbie people, they tend to bring you down.
C. If you chose the Green Teletubbie.
You are calm and reliable. Family plays a major role in your life and you often sacrifice your needs to please others. Yellow Teletubbie people are a good match for you.
D. If you chose the Red Teletubbie.
You are bold and emotional. You are fierce in your opinions and quick to anger, but stick by your friends through thick and thin. Purple and Red Teletubbie people are an explosive combination.

Rainy Day

2010-05-18T20:00:00.008+08:00

These few days the weather had been hot n cold. At one point I feel like melting and now I feel like wrapping myself like a kebab. I was supposed to go for my tutorial class at 5pm but looks like God doesn't want me to go by "crying so hard". Staying at home for almost whole day kills me!! I feel groggy to the point I wanna puke @.@ Someone please save me from this emotion...=(

*psst : i'm missing missing you*

Heartbreak Warfare

2010-05-18T00:44:00.000+08:00

Lightning strikes
Inside, my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really every wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Drop his name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
but I can't break free at all.

It's a heartbreak...

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right
If you lay your weapon down
Red wine and ambien
You're talking shit again, it's heartbreak warfare
Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak warfare.

A Friend in Need?

2010-05-18T00:19:00.002+08:00

Never do things out of guilt. It hurts the other party. Everything you said or do looks so fake to me. I'm sorry.

I Missed

2010-05-16T18:47:00.003+08:00

them...

Love My Weekend

2010-05-16T18:19:00.005+08:00

After few days of not seeing him, finally we get to hang out on a beautiful saturday...we went for shopping and last minute i decided not to go for my uncle dinner so that I can spend more time with him..I know you're gonna have your exam soon so it's better for you to have fun while you're still on the free-mode =p

So yeah, after dinner he drop by my house and HOHOHO!!! He saw my messy bedroom....yaikz!! *pai seh pai seh* I love how we spent our quality time together a.k.a so-called "make out" session..hahaha *inside joke* It's just so funny that how things always turn out to be and that makes me fall deeper and deeper for you..we can be so random at times and I treasure every memories I have with you =) Well my friends have been telling me about how things will be after 6 months, but in my mind, i have faith in us...

So let's pray hard that we won't get paranoid during and after 6 months XD

Strange

2010-05-14T23:11:00.002+08:00

I was so frust today that i just shut everyone out of my world.

I have the hatred feeling like adrenaline rush...

and all I think about was, how come you don't understand me after so long?

I fee like I have no one to turn to..empty.

I was so frust and feeling lonely at the same time

because of you.

You never get me.

and that is the reason why we can't communicate.

I just feel so disappointed..again.

1 hour of waiting kills everything in me....

Voice

2010-05-10T01:25:00.001+08:00

"How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall"

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T22:35:00.014+08:00

Korean dinner = Porkilicious! Yummy!!

Mom & Dad *i love you guys!!*

Soju *like*

A tose to Mother's Day!!

Me : Mom, give us ur kenyang look...

Mom : *pose*

The rebellious us XD

cupcakes by +wondermilk <3

Just look at their smile..

Showing their love =)

As you can see, i had korean dinner to celebrate Mother's Day and my mom just love it because the food there it's all about P.O.R.K. My whole family is babi lover so yeah..we love having korean bbq =) and a lot of soju too...tsk tsk tsk.

Dear Mommy,

I know i'm always being so rebellious and we often quarrel..but i'll still love you no matter wert because when i fall, you were the one who lift me up *although in the process it's all about nagging* I used to cry whenever you're not around for work or holiday because i just miss u so much..and i can't afford to imagine my life without you...I'm sorry that I can't be your ideal daughter but i promise that i won't give up trying to be a better daughter....I LOVE YOU <3

For Him

2010-05-01T23:47:00.005+08:00

He's totally adorable

Wicked

Lovable

Sweet

Corrupted =p

Chilled

Positive

Caring

and most of all

He's all MINE =)

Up and Down

2010-04-25T20:48:00.002+08:00

For this 2 weeks of holiday, I've been up and down the hill..i actually met in an accident..as in a really scary accident and i'm the cause of it =( the worst part of this is that my best friend was in the car too...i was so traumatized till i don't feel the pain on my body..until now i feel so bad that my bestie was hurt because of me..well the best part of this accident is that i get a good boyfriend. =) He was there for me through out the incident by helping me out and comforting me..thx baby!!! and also..it brings me and my bestie closer..i know it's weird we get closer in this way and not like i want it to be this way...but....we've been hanging on to each other and comforting each other..thx babe for still staying by my side >.< class="Apple-style-span" color="#6600CC">THX GOD!!!!! I'm hoping my 1 week left holz will be something good.. *crossing finger*

Study Mode

2010-04-13T20:14:00.001+08:00

I'm currently in study mode...in just 2 more days, I'll be free for 2 WEEKS!!!!

That means

P-P-PARTY ALL THE TIME!!!!

Wish Me Luck Folks >.<

A New Beginning

2010-04-09T21:30:00.002+08:00

To Him,

I've never regretted in choosing you...

You've been tolerating with me

And i know how much you wanted to please me...

You're always making effort to see me

And i really appreciate that...

♥ I Love You ♥

From

Her

Pieces..My New Love

2010-04-09T00:29:00.002+08:00

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

*psst* thinking of you...

Libra

2010-04-08T14:55:00.003+08:00

The negative side of Libran which i find it quite true also..

"Libran character may show frivolity, flirtatiousness and shallowness. It can be changeable and indecisive, impatient of routine, colorlessly conventional and timid, easygoing to the point of inertia, seldom angry when circumstances demand a show of annoyance at least..and yet Librans can shock everyone around them with sudden storms of rage. Their love of pleasure may lead them to extravagance. Libra women extravagant, jealous and careless about money sometimes squander their wealth and talents in their over enthusiasm for causes which they espouse. Can become great gossipers. A characteristic of the type is an insatiable curiosity that tempts them to enquire into every social scandal in their circle."

Rude Son of A Gun

2010-04-06T00:39:00.002+08:00

I've always treated you like my close friend and now you're turning your back on me. So i guess this is how you play your game. You just come and go. I thought you would be the "good" one but i guess i was wrong. Or maybe this is just human nature. Whatever it is, you're just pissing me off you hypocrite.

Karma

2010-03-28T19:44:00.002+08:00

"Do you believe in karma?" and i said "I do".

"What you've done to them it will come back to you", he said.

*in my heart thinking.....whatever shits that happened now.. was it a karma too?*

When i start to feel better, there will always be things that pull me down. Thank you, my dear friends =)

Satya Priyaa Dhanapal

2010-03-24T16:54:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO YOU~ MUACKZ!!!!!!!!

Friendship is something to hold on to
But for me that's not the case
Cause I don't feel I need to keep
Something that can't be erased =)

Babe, this is another year that I can celebrate your birthday with you and i'm really glad about that. We've been through up and down and no matter what I'll always love you =) I hope we can still celebrate this meaningful day together for the next who knows how many years!!!! I missed our girls hang out and over night stuffs!! We should so do it again when all of us are free k?

*psst : you better book your holidays plan for me and christine*

L.O.V.E YOU <3

FML

2010-03-20T19:11:00.001+08:00

Nothing is going right. *breathe in* *breathe out*

Come Undone

2010-03-18T21:24:00.002+08:00

You don't know how you're coming across

You don't know what you're coming across

You don't know who you're coming across

You don't know how you're coming across

So you come undone

You don't know how you're coming across

Acting like you don't give a toss

Walking around like you're on some kind of cross

And it's a shame on you, the irony's lost

When you come undone

You come undone

You know, you come undone

You know, you know, you know

You don't know how you're coming across

And I don't think that you're aware of the cost

So you come undone

You come

You come undone

You know, you know, you know

Placebo

2010-03-18T20:57:00.003+08:00

One word to describe them...they're AWESOME!!! The whole band is full with hawt members!! Baa~ The vocalist sound sexier during live..woohoo~ I'm just excited through out the concert and of coz i enjoyed the companion too. Minz was nice enuff to bring me there =D Here's one our favorite song, "Special Needs"...Thx to her this song is stuck in my mind now =.=

Remember me when you're the one who's silver screened
Remember me when you're the one you always dreamed
Remember me whenever noses start to bleed
Remember me, special needs

Just 19 and sucker's dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour

Remember me when you clinch your movie deal
And think of me stuck in my chair that has four wheels
Remember me through flash photography and screams
Remember me, special dreams

Just 19 this sucker's dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour
Just 19 and sucker's dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour

Remember me...

Just 19 this sucker's dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour
Just 19 and sucker's dream I guess I thought you had the flavour
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour

Remember me...

Escape

2010-03-17T17:54:00.002+08:00

I'm looking for the "exit" signboard.
Because breathing is getting harder for me.
I'm losing faith in myself.
I'm doing stuff that I shouldn't do.
Guilty pleasure is what I've been thinking.....
I'm trying to stay away from it...i'm trying...

A Little Note To You

2010-03-14T01:30:00.002+08:00

You know who you are and i know u hate it when ppl mention ur age..so i'm just gonna say.....................

HAPPY 21st ANNIVERSARY to your life =) I guess we've known each other for almost a year and we managed to get close to each other in a short period...i'm glad that I've met you and i just want u to know that I've never regretted in knowing u or getting close to you coz u have become part of my life =) we shared things..we've been through good and bad times...and these brought us closer to each other..you might bite at times but deep down in you..you're such a nice and sweet person...that makes me heart you even more...so stop being screwed and messed up...and start to give urself a better option =) *hugs*

From,
Me =)

Sweet Dreams

2010-03-13T14:57:00.003+08:00

The tittle said it all.....

I feel like smoking....

I feel like drinking....

I just wanna be carefree....

and I want my life.

Toodles~ =)

Killing Me Softly

2010-03-07T23:32:00.002+08:00

It kills to read your blog. That's all i can do. To blog. Coz I have no one to turn to. I can't even express it out.

Bright Lights

2010-03-01T00:40:00.001+08:00

Cast your mind back to the days,
When I pretend' I was OK.
I had so very much to say,
About my crazy livin'.
Now that I've stared into the void,
So many people, I've annoyed.
I have to find a middle way,
A better way of givin'.

So I haven't given up,
But all my choices, my good luck...
Appear to go and get me stuck,
In an open prison.
Now I am tryin' to break free,
Be in a state of empathy.
Find the true and inner me,
Eradicate this schism.

No-one can take it away from me,
And no-one can tear it apart.
'Cause a heart that hurts,
Is a heart that works.
A heart that hurts,
Is a heart that works.

Dilema

2010-02-28T22:50:00.002+08:00

This was supposed to be something happy but I guess it doesn't change anything..All I did was hurting ppl that are important to me and i'm sorry for being a jackass.

Happy Birthday Darling

2010-02-28T15:13:00.003+08:00

Dear Christine,

Well you're officially 19 now and thinking how many years i've been celebrated it with you..i'm so glad that your mom asked me to be friends with you.. XD I hope this will continue coz we still have our goals to achieve in 5 years time =) i really can't wait for that day to come... You've been a great great friend to me and that's why I love you so much..no one can replace you and satya..so i just wanna let you know that you're the best B*TCH for me and I'll always love you...stay happy k? Your smile means a lot to me *hugs*

I'm Sorry

2010-02-21T20:08:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry if i've hurt you with what I've done,
I know some part in you, you'll be mad at me but you're just trying to hide it..
Hate me kick me is your choice..that's all I can say.. *hugs*

Makes It So Hard Not to Cry

2010-02-19T23:26:00.004+08:00

Once again, I feel so useless. Things have been so messed up and just keep hanging there..I guess someone gonna get hurt if things continue to be like this. This is what i fear the most...

Dear Valentine

2010-02-14T00:23:00.002+08:00

I'm so grateful for the way you love me, without judgment or condition, with sincerity and the quiet reassurance that feels so comfortable, so right.

You show me, in so many ways, how much you care for me, by your sensitivity, your honesty, and your willingness to face whatever challenges come our way. Your love helps me to know that I'm a lovable person.

Though I never thought I would need anyone as much as I need you, you've taught me that relying on someone doesn't have to mean giving up my own strength and independence, but that together we are stronger than either one of us could be alone.

Thank you for your wisdom, your gentle support, but most important.........
Thank You For Your Love.

Vday & CNY

2010-02-14T00:06:00.005+08:00

Happy Valentine day and Gong Xi Fa Cai to you <3

You know who you are and you're the best I've ever had! Love you =)

It's more than I can swallow

2010-02-11T23:30:00.001+08:00

Can you count all the times
That you've mended my heart
Just so you could again
Crush it, Break it apart?

Yet, you've got no idea
That I'm hurt all the while
Cause I hide all my pain
With a laugh and a smile

All my rage and frustration
They are secrets to you
I'm a pretty good actor
Cause you don't have a clue

I have made it an art
It's greatest learned skill
Hiding all of this damn
Fuckin pain that I feel

Yet sometimes it leaks through
Sometimes I botch my act
Sometimes you see my pain
Sometimes I can't hold back

I regret if you noticed
I didn't wanna seem shallow
But sometimes it's too much
It's more than I can swallow.......

Random Quote/Saying

2010-02-08T01:45:00.002+08:00

"People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

"Your words to me just a whisper, your face is so unclear. I try to pay attention, your words just disappear."

"You don't realize how much you care about someone… until they don't care about you."

"Do your heart a favor, sweetie…just turn around and leave. it may not be what you think you want, but it's what you need." ♥

"When you've found a reason to walk away, never look back... Just keep walking. It's better to get lost moving on than to get stuck and stranded broken."

"Sometimes it's better to let go without knowing the real reason... because it will surely hurt more to find it UNREASONABLE." (this is funny)

" I wonder, when you look into my eyes and watch my heart shatter, does it break your heart too, even crack it a little bit?"

" Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

"Someone should sue Disney for planting the ideas in little kids heads that every girl has a prince and everything ends up happily ever after." ♥

"What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?"

"I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common human with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough." ♥

Is Just Another Phase of Life

2010-02-07T21:01:00.007+08:00

I hate growing up. I think I have the peter pan syndrome =( People been telling me that i need to be matured bout this and that but all i wanted is to have fun like any other teenager. The growing up issue had caused me a lot of argument with my close one. This SUCKS..really. I miss my school days and most of all, i miss all my classmates..every morning when u wake up from your bed..you knew that you'll see the same old faces..the warmness in the class just top the morning breeze. =) I still remember our spot in the canteen where all the bitches.. (including me XD) just gather around for gossips and stuff...this is so much fun compare to clubbing..at least more innocent...tsk tsk tsk =p and yes..i miss my holiday also >.<>

-My holiday in Tioman-

My evil friend trying to wake me up...

Morning sunlight =)

Hymn To The Immortal Wind

2010-02-04T23:34:00.000+08:00

Well, last saturday Minz brought me to this concert at KL PAC and surprisingly..they ROCK!!She kept telling me about this band, MONO, is all about post rock and instrumental music. To be honest with you, I dunno what the hell was post rock until i went there. All i know was music without involving vocalist..Haha..sorry Minz >.< But hey, now i know what is post rock about. =) And during the concert, they have this featured local artist name "Deepset"..they played a few songs and it was good too..oh btw, they're from Lembah Klang. Both of us were emo that day and we felt so much better after the concert. You wanna know why? Just go check out their music k? =)

-This is how the concert look like-

MONO

And of course, Minz, herself is a musician..I personally adore her music!! Recently she just debuted her own album..her songs just make me think back of my own love life experience and how love can be painful at times. oh well, i just LOVE it =)

Lying My Way From You

2010-02-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

When I pretend
Everything is what I want it to be
I look exactly like what you had always wanted to see
When I pretend
I can forget about the criminal I am
Stealing second after second just 'cause I know I can / but
I can't pretend this is the way it will stay / I'm just
Trying to bend the truth
I can't pretend i'm who you want me to be
So I'm

Lying my way from you

[No / No turning back now]
I wanna be pushed aside
So let me go
[No / No turning back now]
Let me take back my life
I'd rather be all alone
[No turning back now]
Anywhere on my own
'Cause I can see
[No / No turning back now]
The very worst part of you
Is me

I remember what they taught to me
Remember condescending talk of who I ought to be
Remember listening to all of that and this again
So I pretended up a person who was fitting in
And now you think this person really is me and I'm
[Trying to bend the truth]
But the more I push
The more I'm pulling away
'Cause I'm

Lying my way from you

This isn't what I wanted to be
I never thought that what I said
Would have you running from me
Like this

The very worst part of you
The very worst part of you
Is me